Every bit of common sense I have is telling me to ignore this. But I can't. Because Bangs called me lazy the other day, and while I'm fairly sure if was a brief statement of fact and not any sort of challenge, I can't help but feel like I've got to add something to popporn while he's away making pornography with BUCKTON. And this Octomom stuff literally popped up in front of my face this morning while I was scouring the internet for my usual plethora of comic-book-related news tidbits (Jonathan Hickman's writing Avengers!).
So yes. We've all heard that Nadya Suleman, known to most as Octomom, has recently shot a scene of "non-porn" masturbation for Wicked Pictures. Granted, masturbation scenes are usually considered porn - not sure if she was aware of that, but whatever.
Anyway, the first photos from this no-doubt groundbreaking and tasteful shoot have surfaced! Sad to say, the images we'll be presenting to you are, in fact, censored. While I know that the graphic versions of these photos are out there somewhere, I'm afraid you'll have to find them yourself. Because the day I spend my precious energy scouring the internet for something shot by Brad Fucking Armstrong will be a cold, cold day in hell.
Besides, it's fucking Octomom. You're not really all that interested, are you? Anyway, the censored (use your imagination, dicks!) photos are here:
This first one appears to only be a boob shot. Are her fingers inside her vagina, where eight kids once came out? Don't care!
This one shows off her ironing skills. No nudity to cover up! Nice shirts, though. Van Heusens, maybe?
Here's a close up of her face, probably saying something like "Oh Mamma Mia! Whamming my hand into my chunks sure feels awesome! I sure am cumming hard, I guess!"
This one offers some depth, because there's baby clothes in the background. Yet there's only two onesies, not eight. Is this some sort of veiled dig at her parenting skills? Probably! Sinister social commentary, Armstrong!
More laundry! Gender roles are at war! Or are they?
Now she's dressed like Stormy Daniels! Art imitates life imitates art!
This is right before Mick Blue comes in and impregnates her (off camera)! Or not!
This isn't her! I just wanted to show what a great (and largely underappreciated) physique Bob Balaban has!
Don't you wish you didn't read this?