Throughout the many trials and tribulations of dating in college, my old roommate and I devised a theory of dating that rivals most of the philosophical formulas in your average Philosophy 101 book (time to take notes, freshman daydreamers). It also has some serious Brave New World qualities to it, for you high IQ high schoolers. Basically, We constructed a system of understanding who you can and, more importantly, cannot date, based on the following formula:

1. Most Attractive People (Alpha People)
Sub Categories:
a. Gods/Goddesses (think Brad Pitt, circa 1996)
b. Model-level Attractive
c. Above Average Attractiveness

2. Average People
Sub Categories:
a. Almost Cute Enough to be Hot
b. Worth Sleeping with If Good in Bed
c. Meh. There's something for everybody.

3. Least Attractive People (Beta Types)
Sub Categories:
a. Social Rejects, Though Mostly just Fugly
b. The Physically Scarred or Completely Socially Retarded
c. People who are ACTUALLY Disabled.

Now, everyone has seen that really hot girl on the street with that average looking guy and thought, WTF? That guy must either have a huge dick or be loaded. My roommate and I found that the most successful relationships were achieved by maintaining your dating pool within the 1/2/3 Categories, with the occasional crossover on the top and bottom of each category (i.e., a 1c with a 2a).

So, if you are a 2a and you are trying to date a dude who is a 1a, well, DON'T. You will either always be jealous of the attention he gets from other 1s or he will leave you for someone more attractive. It's just inevitable, no matter how long you date said person.

NOTE:
There is a disclaimer to this system as well; it can and must be applied to every sub-genre of peoples. For instance, bike messengers. Since general sweatiness and coolness of bike parts are factors in the categorization, the system has to be applied to the TYPE of people who are being discussed.

Trust me, follow this formula for dissecting your dating pool and happier hookups will ensue. Or at least genetically well formed children.

Here are some films with some key examples for you...

FIGHT CLUB (Brad Pitt, circa 1999, 1A)

SUPERBAD (Michael Cera, 2B)

WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE (Heather Matarazzo, 3A)