POPPORN often offers up our professional opinion on any number of topics. Our goal? To help those who we consider to need helping. We wander the internet much like a good Samaritan wanders the streets in search of elderly individuals in need of assistance when carrying their groceries. We consider this to be a sign that we care.

Of course, we're not saying that our professional opinion has any real merit. In fact, our opinion might fly completely contrary to your own, personally held opinion on the subject matter. And, when we say "professional opinion" keep in mind that professional in our minds is only defined by being individuals who actually have the time in the day to say something about any particular topic.

In fact, if we keep with the good Samaritan metaphor, one might argue that the elderly individual might have been completely fine left well enough alone.

But for our purposes today, let's assume the helpless need helping and that's why we need to mention the cover art for the upcoming porno parody, Not The Three Stooges XXX.

To be blunt, what happened here?

Directed by Will Ryder (whose name is pretty much synonymous with porn parody) one might assume that the challenges of box cover art would be behind him and his production company. However, based upon this cover one would assume wrong.

With this cover, we're offered every design misstep possible from a poor background color choice of midnight blue coupled with a contrasting color that we'll call, "Almost Orange" (which, in case you didn't take color classes, is never a good idea) to a poor font choice in what can only be called...well, honestly, I'm at a loss for what that font could be called outside of ugly. In addition, our three primary leads don't seem to be color corrected at all giving Anthony Rosano a deliciously disgusting shade of, "I-just-woke up-greasy-and-sweaty-so-let's-shoot-some-porn" and the female performers who appear on the box are inexplicably displayed like a police line-up with a universal democratic approach to their priority. Toss in some drop shadows and actually have James Barfsalot on the box art and you've got yourself a whole mess of a box cover for what might actually be a good movie! Who knows, I ain't gonna watch it because the box art keeps reminding me how ugly it is!

In fact, Will Ryder, we encourage you to describe your decision making process and that of your designer so that we can have an open and frank discussion about how exactly, a cover like this gets made.

And, as I said before, we like to offer our professional opinion and offer help to those we feel need some helping. Mr. Ryder, POPPORN's very own MEAT BALL is a pretty fantastic graphic designer. Next time you need a box cover, just shoot us an email. We'll be glad to help for a small fee.

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NOT THE THREE STOOGES XXX

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