A situation occurred a little over a week ago involving a priest, his congregation and a bit of hardcore gay pornography. I know, it sounds odd that a priest would find himself in a situation involving anything remotely sexual(because such things are clearly wicked and forbidden), but still. It happened. And it's time to set the record straight and get right to the facts about who's really at fault here.

The hubbub: Father Martin McVeigh (no relation to Timothy, from what I understand), was speaking to a group of churchgoers under his charge consisting mostly of adults (though there was one eight-year-old kid present). The talk was scheduled to move into a powerpoint presentation but when the father plugged his shit into his PC's USB port, well...a slideshow started automatically playing. And the slideshow involved dudes doing stuff to each other. Naked dudes.

I don't know if we're talking about dudes sucking each other off, jerking each other's pudds, licking ass, chomping balls, fisting, watersports-ing or just plain old buttfucking, but whatever it was, it was definitely pornography, it was definitely gay, and it was definitely in a church with an eight year old kid present. Whooooops.

The priest reportedly turned and left the room with no explanation, only offering this when later questioned: "I don't know how it happened but I know what happened. There are people making innuendoes who weren't even there but in this day and age these stories grow."

So let's set the record straight. He claims he didn't know how this could have possibly happened. People are making innuendos about what happened, but they don't really know the whole story. Naturally, a servant of God couldn't be responsible for such a thing, right?

Well, right. He actually had nothing to do with it. It was us, and only us. POPPORN's staff has spent much of their recent months performing clandestine missions to befoul the reputations and weaken the confidences of authority figures of all sorts, including those of the church. We just think it's the right thing to do, because we're raconteurs and assholes and stuff! Unlike the rest of the XXX media, who insists that everybody likes porn and it's got a myriad of social and psychological benefits, we at POPPORN know the truth. There's nothing good about porn. It's demeaning, disgusting, wrong, often illegal, blasphemous, not clever in the slightest and usually sort of greasy. It's only good for one thing: destroying decent people.

We did it, we're proud of it, and we will strike again.

That said, we haven't raped anybody. That was totally something the church did (sorry, I mean does) all by itself. Probably inspired by porn.

Oh Christ, it's almost 11:00 here in the office and I haven't pooed yet. Bye now.

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