I gotta tell ya, I'm in awe of how stupid twitter is.

Now, before you get all drunk with rage I'm not suggesting that the greatest social media platform since the launch of Facebook is stupid as an invention/innovation. No, what I mean is the actual premise of the site is just incredibly, goddamn stupid.

Seriously, who would have thought anyone would care what you (or any other idiot) would have to say at any given time on any given subject. More importantly, who would have thought anyone would care when those thoughts were contracted into a barely legible 140 characters?

Nevertheless, people obviously care because yesterday, POPPORN's twitter account crossed the 16,000th follower mark. A random milestone to be sure, but one that shouldn't be taken lightly. Excluding the 13,000 or so 'bots, that's a cool 3000 (maybe) following our bleats, blips and blorts for really, no good reason.

Sure, we may be hilarious and acutely tuned into the adult universe (a topic many adults seem to genuinely find fascinating) but we're far from socially important, morally respectable or intelligently designed. So, why all the followers?

Hell, we don't even post nude photographs of ourselves to win your favor. Instead, we just piddle away over here at our desks doing that which we do...which is just short of nothing.

And for that, we've got 16,000 followers. And that number keeps growing.

So, in an effort to make sense of this odd occurence, we've decided to go ahead and offer our twitter to you, our followers.

I'm not suggesting we'll start following you. No, what we're saying is we're now open for business to promote whatever you are interested in promoting to our 16,000 (and growing) followers. Want us to tweet about your business? Done. How about a tweet to your friend for their birthday. Done!

It'll cost you only $5 bucks. That's five measely dollars to have your resident retards in charge tweet whatever it is you would like tweeted to our 16,000 (and growing) followers. How about them cookies?

Not sure how you might best utilize this opportunity? Email us and we'll be glad to help. You'll be able to rest easy knowing that your $5 has earned you a tweet to 16,000 (and growing) individuals who are clearly retarded to be following us in the first place.

p.s. - Yes, we're serious. Email us and make sure you have a paypal account and we'll get 'er done!

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KILLIN' WHITEY

WORKING 9 TO FUCK