Let's face facts. We'd probably all be better off with Rick Santorum in the White House.

Lets end the charade. Porn isn't a good thing. Sure, we like to talk about it a whole lot and we look at it almost daily due to our chosen careers (and the fact that hormones are the darnedest things). Ultimately, however, do you think we really believe porn is something that benefits society other than making a few individuals who didn't have the wherewithal to do anything productive with their lives rich?

Don't you think we'd rather be making art films and talking about comic books for a living than looking at some of our friends penises and vaginas and telling people how cool "freedom of expression" is? C'mon, of course we would!

We've all allowed ourselves to trick our brains into thinking that what we are doing with our lives is art...that documenting the rather vile looking act of reproduction is something that is beneficial to relationships, sexual awareness and dialogue about human interaction. Not the shameful act that it is of showing our "who-who's" to whomever has a high-speed internet connection.

Rick Santorum wants to get past that people. Sure, conservatism is a dirty word thanks to the liberal media and Obama, but what's wrong with "conserving" good, upstanding behavior. Sure, Santorum seems to be against homosexuality which I admit, isn't "in" but what has homosexuality done for you? Unless you, yourself are gay, probably not a whole hell of a lot. Sure, they have the best television station on the air (Bravo) but that doesn't mean they are doing us any favors. So why not be against them? What can it hurt? Maybe being anit-gay will stimulate the economy. You can't say for sure it won't now can you?

Secondly, Rick Santorum is for the family and I ask what the hell is wrong with family? Maybe if we all had better upbringings we wouldn't be the morally corrupt monsters we are. Maybe we'd finally pull back from the ledge and get it together with some good, old-fashioned barbecues at our parents houses on Sunday nights. Your parents are dead? Well, if you weren't a filthy animal working in porn you'd spend time cleaning their gravestone. Dead or alive, more family equals a better person. You say you're family was full of racists and homophobes? See my paragraph above. C'mon, if we're going to be honest here what has ANY minority done for society at large that makes their being a minority important? Sure, sure, some people who were minorities at the time have done some stuff that's pretty cool like written a book or invented some shit, but when it comes right down to it, was that because they were a minority or because they were smart? See? If they hadn't invented or done what they did wouldn't someone else have done it eventually? So really, who cares? And I'm not saying that the Majority is right, but last time I checked the majority usually wins in a democratic vote, right? Duh, much?

Minorities are great. I love a minority but if they are a minority they don't win things because they aren't the Majority. When they are the Majority they can win things.

Finally, Rick Santorum is against porn. I'm sorry, but maybe that's a good thing. Fuck you, you're not dedicated to porn. You'd jump at the first chance to go, "mainstream". Even if going "mainstream" means starring in a horror movie that's more poorly written and acted than any porn movie. But you'll still say to yourself, IT'S MAINSTREAM! Why? Because you know you're not taken seriously working in porn because it means you are a dirty, filthy monster that deserves crucifixion (something I've recently gotten into after becoming a Santorum supporter).

I understand this might sound shocking to you. But that's because, like us, you probably have had a shitty education. Let me explain it in retard.

Rick Santorum is our guy. He may seem further right wing than a Nazi in '39 but believe us when we tell you, we've all made a horrible mistake. He may not have won New Hampshire, but with your help we'll all goose-step into South Carolina with fire and brimstone that, if we're lucky, will burn the herpes and shame from our collective souls.

P.S. - Praying would do you some good too, asshole.

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JESUS CHRIST SERIAL RAPIST