It's that special one-sided love where he doesn't know I exist, but it's love none the less.

I rediscovered my Chad Alva (my porn crush) the other day, having watched him bang under the name Vin Varicose a while back, it was nice to see his 'O-face' had resurfaced. Though unfortunately he had dropped the snarky name in favor of a more box friendly one, his quality fucking skills remain the same. With unkempt dirty blonde hair that looks more dirty than blonde and a half sleeve of tattoos he's got that vibe, the one my mother hates and I constantly bring home with a smile on my face.

I have to admit I decided I could rub it to this guy again in a moment of complete girly boner. Apparently even in my most objectifying state I can't turn my chic switch off. I have to like a guy for his full package, and I'm not referring to Chad's very, um, bulbous attribute. I'm talking his sparkling personality.

I stumbled on to the kids blog and it seems he is a completely straight, pussy loving gentleman who likes Tegan and Sarah, The Sleigh Bells, Deer Hunter, more awesome music, and a plethora of good indie films.

Abs are hot, big dicks are cool, but a healthy interest in the arts, a knowledge of good music and, shudder an excellent choice in solid film making? All of the above could easily make my nipples cut through glass.

I'll be declaring tomorrow 'Chad Alva Day' and watching everything he has ever made. And I can't really lie, I'll most likely be using my photoshop skills to mock up our "Save the Dates" shortly.

ON MY DIRTY KNEES

OFFICIAL REVENGE OF THE NERDS PARODY