I'm single handedly bringing the HJ back. Pun intended.

Like any good zeitgeist, sex is a cyclical being. Gaping holes are in one minute and tight pussies are in the next. Personally, I like to stay up on the latest sex trends and I'm here to tell you finger banging and handy jays are totally back in style.

Remember that special time when a girl wrapping her hand around your wang for the first time was a serious thing? When a single finger up the twat meant you squirmed? I think we'd all like to get back to that simpler time, and the best way is to breath new and interesting life into these more mundane sex acts.

Apparently trying to give a handjob to a red blooded male is "messing with the master"? Well how about adding a liberal amount of spit, possibly even a swipe or two of your own girly bits to give it that authentic smell. Better yet, try taking your top off during the act, one can assume the apparent "master" doesn't have tits to play with during his own tug sessions.

Now finger-banging can be a tricky thing. It's deceiving enough in its title, as one should never literally "bang" a girl with their finger. Ouch. Try for some gentle massaging of the outer walls. Also while every girl is different, I'm operating under the theory that the more fingers the better. Girth is a wonderful thing and while you may be packing something lovely in your trousers, it's doubtful it compares to a four finger penetration.

Really the nostalgia alone brings these throw back sex acts to another level. So rock your Ray Ban Sunglasses, I hear Bobby Brown may release a new album, Neon is in this Spring and Handy Js and Finger Banging are all the rage kids.

HAPPY ENDING HANDJOBS 2

OFFICIAL REVENGE OF THE NERDS PARODY