I just read a quaint little article about attempted murder by sexual means and I thought I had to share it with you.

A Minnesota gentleman named Terry Allen Lester - who looks almost exactly like you'd picture someone named Terry Allen Lester looking - has just gotten himself into a whole heap of trouble for trying to murder his ex-girlfriend. Attempting to murder someone is pretty much always gonna get you in trouble, so there's not really anything newsworthy there, but when you factor in the manner in which this foul deed was perpetrated...well, shit be intense.

Apparently, Mr. Lester - who looks just about exactly the way you'd expect him to look - built himself an exploding vibrator, which obviously would cause a considerable amount of pain in any woman's vaginal area, and, naturally, would kill her as well. He had put gun powder, BB shot, and buckshot from shotgun shells into the thing, and had then been planning on giving it to one of three former girlfriends of his, all of whom had apparently left him under unfortunate circumstances. The cops were altered by a fourth ex-ladyfriend, who had left him a week before all of this hubbub went down. Word is, he was gonna detonate the thing once it was safely tucked inside the lady's bagina. He reportedly had some sort of “black and red wires that connected to a trigger with a battery port”, whatever that means. We're not entirely sure how he planned to know when it was inside his ex's nether region, or how he'd coerce her into accepting the gift (let alone masturbating with it) but a guy like this certainly had a plan. I mean, if this guy doesn't seem like the sort of fellow who'd think a project through to completion, I don't know who is.

When the fuzz searched his home, they also found a shit-ton of tools and wires and two other vibrators, one of which was adorned with the tagline "Merry X-Mas, Bitch". Now, i don't know about you, but if a somewhat unhinged ex-boyfriend gave me a pink vibrator that said "Merry Christmas, Bitch" on it and had black and red wires hanging out of it, I'd most certainly cram it into myself as quick as possible. I think that's a given.

Damn it, internet. I love you.

Anyway, Mr. Lester - who, again, looks sort of like what I assume a Kenny Powers/Mick Mars love-child would look like - is facing ten years or so for this, during whcih time he'll most likely be sodomized repeatedly. At least if that Oz show is any indication.

Lots of new videos coming soon. Oh boy.

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