Tell me if you've ever been in this situation.

You're getting in your car after a long, shitty day at the local chemical factory (or wherever it is that you work). You're tired, sore, but also pretty goddamn horny. You're planning to rush home as fast as you can, heat up and slurp down a couple bean and cheese taquitos from Trader Joe's, get slightly drunk on Zima and then sit down in front of either the television or computer screen, lube yourself up real good and furiously whack off to whichever starlet happens to be Elegant Angel's newest "superstar" this week. It doesn't sound like a bad night by any means, but things get even better when you get that text from your promiscuous neighbor that she's been drinking all day and could really use a good session in your boudoir. Holy fuckin' hell, as you've learned in previous escapades, this girl is 100% D to P, so you're getting two and a half boners just thinking about it.

But then you remember. You don't have any condoms at your house, and you're not allowed to go back into the drugstore since the unpleasantness that occurred last time you were in there. You've had a few unpleasant experiences with Gonorrhea before, so you really don't want to chance any STDs. You're running out of time to make this thing happen. If you wait too long, she's gonna sober up or fall asleep, and then where will you be. The situation's desperate. So what the fuck are you gonna do?

Lucky for you, you happen to live in Hunstville, Alabama, and the town's greatest adult-mart is offering a new service aimed directly at this type of problem. Pleasures, known for years as the place to go to buy sex-related hoo-hah in Huntsville has just become the first-ever drive through sex novelty emporium in the world, offering a variety of sex toys, as well as free condoms all from the convenience and privacy of your own car.

Much like your local McDonald's restaurant (or Slarby's, for those in the know), Pleasures features a four-foot tall lighted menu at their drive-thru location, where customers can browse and choose from a variety of novelties, lubes and stimulants, most costing less than twenty dollars. Frankly, I can't tell you how many times I've been driving home, horny as fuck (sometimes more intoxicated than the law would prefer), wishing there was a quick and easily place to find sex toys and lubes. Most times I have to turn around and drive all the way back to the office if I want to get my hands on a head honcho or something, but if I lived in Huntsville, it wouldn't be a fucking problem at all. It's goddamn awesome.

The new store also will feature something called the "Intimacy Clinic" (which I think is also the name of a Playgirl movie), which will host weekly seminars and workshops as well as offering complimentary condoms and marriage counseling. It sounds like a boss-ass brick-and-mortar sex shop, and if you're in Huntsville, we urge to support them. Otherwise, please buy your strokers, dildos, celebrity anuses, lubes and speculums here. Peace out!

SUPER HEAD HONCHO

JO H2O PERSONAL LUBE