Hello. As you’re probably aware, every now and then, for a whole shit-ton of reasons, artists are censored. Sometimes it’s because their material is deemed too vulgar for a target audience, like back when Robert Mapplethorpe tried to introduce America at large to fisting. Sometimes, work is deemed too socially offensive, like Axl Rose’s “One in a Million” lyrics, or that big-tongue cover of Poison’s “Open Up and Say Aaah” (originally titled “Swallow This”, incidentally). Sometimes, like in the case we bring forth today, it’s simply because certain distributors might opt out of selling a product if certain lines of dialogue were left in.
As you may have guessed, I’m talking about what is most likely POPPORN’s greatest triumph, our first movie, POPPORN: The Guide to Making Fuck. At one point in the movie, there was a line written into the script that we just frankly thought was funny as goddamn hell. If I’m not mistaken, it was written by BUCKTON himself. This line made it through several drafts of the screenplay (back then we wrote several drafts of a script as opposed to now when we write down a few vague ideas on a post-it and then blackmail a local journalist into writing the movie). In fact, this line was even shot, and made it through the first three or four cuts of the movie (this, having been our first attempt at moviemaking, endured four or five different cuts before the final cut was reached. Incidentally, these days, rather than do several cuts of a film, we usually just don’t make movies at all anymore).
Anyway, right before Kimberly Kane and John Strong watched BUCKTON tase himself (which was scene 4, I believe), Kimberly uttered a magnificent line, and delivered it with such aplomb and skill that it nearly made us cry. In the final cut of the film, her words are beeped out while the message “TOO VULGAR, EVEN FOR PORNO” covers the screen. Cutting this line was a harsh truth. We had to do it if we wanted our movie to be made. We were, and remain, in no position to play hardball, especially since the folks financing (and shooting) the film were good friends with a proven track record at making things work.
We were happy just to have our movie get made, so we didn’t fight the decision to cut the line. And since we no longer are in possession of the original footage, we can’t show it to you. But I was lucky enough to find, while searching for a photo of BUCKTON putting his belt inside Ryan Keely’s vagina, a BTS video clip in which she’s rehearsing the line.
So, hey. Please let us present a great little not-even-slightly-relevant BTS clip, for (y)our enjoyment. It's very, very short, so we're not trying to say this counts as a new video or anything. We're milking some year-old footage for those purposes.
So, to recap, the line was "Being directed by this dork is like having to suck my own dick and having to eat my own cum and the cum is made of shit and the shit has SARS in it and maybe some blood".