Unless you've been living under a rock or in Utah, porn parodies are hot. They're like what tranny videos were to 2006. Remember how popular tranny videos were a few years ago? Of course you do, even if you claim not to know anything about chicks with dicks.

Like the popularity of Bieber Fever, or the continuing directorial career of M. Night Shyamalan, there's really no explaining why these things are popular. The same goes for porn's latest love affair with "parodies."

Notice the quotes around "parodies."

It's because my debate with parodies isn't how popular they are and how I liked them before they were cool, or that so damn many of them are being made. A girl's got to make a living, after all.

No, my problem is calling these movies parodies. According to the dictionary built into my MacBook Pro that I can easily copy and paste from, the primary definition is, "an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect." Taken further, the thesaurus matches the word with synonyms like "satire, burlesque, lampoon, pastiche, caricature, imitation, mockery; informal spoof, takeoff, send-up."

Think what "Casablanca" is to "Play it Again, Sam," or what "Police Squad!" is to "Dragnet" or what "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is to "Plan 9 From Outer Space."

See what I'm getting at here? The parodies most companies in this industry crank out are pretty much attempts at shooting the same movie, TV series or play. Granted, maybe I'm taking it a step too far with plays — to my knowledge, no one's shot a parody of "An Ideal Husband" or
"Waiting for Godot." But you get what I mean.

The thinking behind parodies in the closed and cloistered production meetings of the two or three companies in the Valley that still produce something with a script that's more substantial than a cocktail napkin goes something like this:

INT. CLOSED AND CLOISTERED X-RATED PRODUCTION OFFICE - DAY

Two porn executives are sitting around a table
deciding on their next movie. A pile of discarded
cocktail napkins takes up most of the space on the
table.

PORN EXECUTIVE #1
I understand this Raging Bull movie is
supposed to be quite good.

PORN EXECUTIVE #2
Oh yes. One of those porn bloggers who
went to college referred to it in one
of their posts.

PORN EXECUTIVE #1
No kidding? We should totally do
Raging Bull.

PORN EXECUTIVE #2
Yeah, there's even this part where De
Niro asks Joe Pesci if he fucked his
wife. We could totally show him
fucking his wife!

PORN EXECUTIVE #1
Call the under-appreciated writer! I'm
sure his rent's due and he'll do it
for peanuts!

PORN EXECUTIVE #2
Will do. We'll be richer and more
powerfuller than ever! Suck on that
Martin Scorsese and your damn Star
Wars movies!

FADE TO BLACK.

What's interesting is that there's nothing new or terribly innovative about parodies in the porn industry. Carbon dating proves that they were made as early as the last century — the 1990s, to be exact — and had wittier titles than their modern counterparts. Archeologists have uncovered titles like "American Booty," "Juranal Park," and "Natural Born Thrillers," to name a few.

So for your consideration I'd like to show you what a real porn parody would entail. One of the hypothesis about the possible meaning of the classic TV show "Gilligan's Island" is that each character represents one of the seven deadly sins. The Professor = pride, Ginger = lust, Mary
Ann = envy, Mr. Howell = greed, Mrs. Howell (fun fact: her first name is, in fact, "Lovey") = sloth, The Skipper = Anger, Gilligan = gluttony.

One note quick, what makes a parody based on this idea even more mind-blowing — some have assigned anger and gluttony to the Skipper and argue that Gilligan is the devil because he's the one who inevitably keeps them stranded and the island is hell.

So out of "Gilligan's Island" and its deconstruction on the part of bloggers with way too much time, we can create a real parody that also isn't afraid to ask the big questions about morality the nature of sin and shows double penetration.

So get on it adult industry executives! You'll be richer and more powerfuller than ever!

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