I was asked the other day by a male friend how he could get my attention if we didn’t know each other and he saw me out in public and wanted to hit on me. I thought it was a really fantastic question, which I have a lengthy (but helpful) response to. In fact, a response so in depth, that I didn’t even answer him! I said I’d write an article about it. Ha! So here we are…

I am not a shy girl, but I don’t just walk up and talk to strangers. I am reserved, but if someone speaks to me, I speak back. Usually my responses to strangers are brief and to the point, unless I’m interested in them for some reason or another. Here are helpful tips to not only getting more than a short answer from me if you ever see me out in the real world, but how to potentially get my number and go out with me…

First things first, never use a pick up line. I find it incredibly difficult to even crack a smile over pickup lines. I will not respond to them, because they are stupid. Bring your own material. It’s not difficult. Just be observant. Do you like my jeans? (*If you just thought to yourself- “yeah, but they’d look better on the floor while we’re fucking”- please go back and reread the first sentence of this paragraph again) If so, then compliment them. I will say thank you and then automatically give you the full body scan and compliment you if there’s something on you I like. If I’m dressed like a slob, yet you still somehow find me sexy, but don’t want to compliment my paint-stained sweatpants and 1998 scrunchie- make it super personal and tell me you think I have beautiful eyes. You don’t have to get all creepy with it and tell me how you’d get lost in them for hours… just say they’re pretty. Direct. Confident. Sexy.

If you see me out in the summer time, you can usually see my vast compilation of tattoos quite well- so feel free to tell me you like them (if you actually do), but please don’t come over and ask me about “their meaning”- they all have meaning, but you’re a stranger and I have no obligation to explain myself or my reasoning for getting tattoos to you.

I certainly cannot speak for all women, but I prefer it if you give me your number instead of asking for mine. This puts the ball in my court. YOU approached ME, not the other way around- so you can’t be sure that I actually like you until I put forth some kind of effort to talk to you. Plus, no one likes feeling pressured into giving their number out. Ideally, my dream ask-me-out experience would go like so:

I’m at some random bookstore (or anywhere really, but let’s role play) looking at the books, I have one in my hand and I’m flipping through it when you walk past me. For some reason, I look away from the novel and glance in your fleeting direction… we make eye contact for a second… but you keep walking. I go back to flipping through the pages, and you walk around for a minute or two trying to conjure up a reason to come over and speak to me. You walk back towards me, and right before you completely pass me by again, you stop and say, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice your perfume…I just wanted you to know it smells REALLY good” with a smile. I would instantly be flattered. I’d probably ramble something like, “Oh, thanks a lot, it’s L.A.M.B by Gwen Stefani… it’s my favorite.” I’d smile back. This is the do-or-die moment for you, Mr. Pickerupper. You can either tell me to enjoy the rest of my day and walk away, making me happy and think about you off and on for the rest of the day, wishing you’d kept talking, or you can actually keep talking to me. You’d follow up with something like, “It’s a really unique scent… not too many girls could pull it off, but you do. I’m so tired of girls wearing perfume that smells like they dug it out of their grandma’s drawer…” and I’ll giggle and agree. Chances are, I’ll instantly pick up on the fact that I’m being picked up and help out. I’ll either continue on with scent talk, or I’ll change the subject with something like, “What’s there to do here? I just moved here from out of state…” to see if there’s any kind of chemistry. If so, I’ll be awaiting the part where you don’t talk my ear off, ask me a couple fun questions (please NOT “what do you do for fun?”)- and then for you to say, “Well, I gotta run, but I’d love to talk to you again… can I give you my number?” and I will say YES! And take it instantly. I may even give you mine too- but I’d have to really like you, and you should not expect mine in return and you definitely shouldn’t ask for it. If I want to talk to you again, I will call you- or text you.

Lastly, it’s important to be at least decent looking when you’re trying to pickup chicks. I don’t mean that so much as how you actually look appearance-wise, but I mean it like… don’t dress like some kind of homeless person, B.O stankin, Taco Bell leftovers in your front teeth, eye boogers in abundance, and expect me to want to talk to you. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Ladies, agree? Disagree? Gentlemen, I hope this helps.

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