(Yes, that's right. Yet ANOTHER new contributor to this here blog. And again, this contributor has a vagina. Let us introduce you to Sparky Sin Claire. She's an adult performer who we think is super sweet and recently, she jumped in as a stunt vagina for our upcoming movie, The Delinquents. Well, she thought it'd be swell to tell you a little about her time on set. Take it Sparky!)

My day started off early, and I felt pretty amazing considering the fact that I had done MDMA the night before at a little girlie sleepover I had with my friend. I wanted to wear shorts, but since I desperately needed to shave, I covered the hairy beasts with thigh high socks. Thanks American Apparel! My armpits were equally hairy, but I was wearing a t-shirt, so that situation was under control.

I arrive at the location to PA (that stands for production assistant) and was the first one there, bright and early, at ten minutes to 9 in the morning. I was wearing what James Deen and I like to call, “my little blue intern shorts”. You see, I intern for Joanna Angel & James over at BurningAngel.com and I like dressing scantily clad so that they both want to have sex with me instead of making me do their laundry and spit shine their shoes ;).

The makeup artist showed up next and then Andy San Dimas, which excited me. I love seeing Andy on set because she’s pretty fucking bad-ass and we have fun together no matter what’s going on. Anyway, I was bopping around, helping the makeup artist set up her chair when I heard, “Sparky! You got a test?”

I shouted back, “Yeah, actually. I do! Why?”

It was then that I discovered that Tanner Mayes was unable to work that day and they (POPPORN) were looking for a replacement. It must have been my intern shorts, because after Spock and Bangs studied me they quickly decided to throw me in the movie.

All I needed was a razor to shave my hairy legs, pits, and nether regions and I was game! Not only was I going to get to have some overdue sex with James Deen, I was getting a fat pay raise!

(You see, I just moved into my very first apartment and could use some cheap IKEA furniture. Or groceries. Or whatever…you girls know what I’m talking about. We spend our paychecks before we even get them, haha.)

I was excited and honored to be apart of the movie considering the fact that I’m covered in tattoos and you don’t find many tattooed bitches in these movies. My character was supposed to be the very prim and proper one, so the white knee-highs, the long sleeve button up blouse paired with a tight sweater and a short schoolgirl’s skirt did a fairly good job at covering my tattoos. Of course, my neck looked non-existent. Neck-less or not, after getting my hair and makeup done, I felt pretty.

The photographers agreed that having no neck was still not my best look, so when taking box cover shots we unbuttoned the top, rolled up the sleeves, and left the option for whoever ends up editing the box cover to hate my guts and have a field day making all my tattoos go away.

I wondered for a split second if it was against my values to be OK with them editing out my tattoos (which I’m not sure they will even do), but I very quickly decided, “Who gives a fuck?! I get to have sex today on camera, what do I care what they do with my tattoos?” They surely won’t be able to take them off during the sex. I decided it would actually be pretty funny if I didn’t have any tattoos on the cover. Not only am I curious to see a tattoo free Sparky, but it will be kind of hilarious once I remove my clothing. It’s probably a good thing I was wearing knee-highs so that my portrait of Yoda was covered. I wouldn’t want BUCKTON and Bangs getting sued by George Lucas. Then they may not hire me as a stunt vagina again!

The whole day was a lot of fun. Everyone melded together into an awesome cast and crew. The chemistry between everyone was awesome. The pairings were solid and everyone in the movie pretty much rocks. The dialogue was hilarious. Jesse is a genius and made ALL of us laugh when we were trying not to. I don’t remember one person not cracking up at an inappropriate time during the shoot. Katie St. Ives lost it and it was fucking hilarious. She had to go outside and get fresh air and pull herself together. Even James Deen had trouble staying in his rif-raf character. The PA wasn’t laughing though. I think he thought we sucked for taking so long to do dialogue and probably wanted to go home.

Here are some pictures I took with my phone during the middle of shooting dialogue. There’s always time for twit pics on a porn set! Sorry for the shitty quality. They were taken with my blackberry.

You can always find sugar-free red bull on a porn set I came to find out. Or at least a bunch of empty ones:

Lexi Belle and James Deen being silly:

Andy San Dimas and Chad Alva in detention:

Mike Quasar and Domenick stopped by to visit! Hey, it's Spock BUCKTON:

After dialogue, James and I did it. It meaning sex. And it was good. I think I came within the first 3 minutes, and then like 2 or 3 times more. I think our scene turned out pretty hot. But the funniest part you guys will miss because they will surely edit it out.

I was on top of him in reverse cowgirl while he was sitting on the chair. We were fucking and in then SMACK! out of nowhere I get a little vertigo as I look around to see we’ve fallen on the floor cock still intact (Fuck yeah! It was like a magic trick!). You can hear James whisper to me to keep going and so I keep fucking him while I’m laughing and looking at everyone laughing at us. Good thing it didn’t kill the mood, or James. He was limping after, but I saw him the next day and he told me he was feeling a lot better. I really hope they put that in the BTS. I think Nate has watched it over and over about 40 times. It’s the kind of embarrassing clip that never gets old.

I had met Kagney Linn Karter before on the set of The Official Jersey Shore Parody and she’s such a sweetheart. She had a hard time yelling at me and calling me a fucking nerd as per her character and it was cute. I was really excited to meet Katie St. Ives and Lexi Belle, two equally amazing individuals that I hope to see around set soon. I already have plans to kidnap Katie from the Valley for a day with Andy San Dimas and I. Andy doesn’t know this yet.

It was a good day in porn, with good people, and an all star crew consisting of Shelly Big Chief Quarter Black, Nate Liquor, Spock, Bangs, and of course Old Man Frady. Look out for Frady playing and awe-inspiring piano solo in the BTS! It’ll bring tears to your ducts! The movie is going to be super funny. It’s truly a unique porno.

xo Sparky

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FIRST TIME AMATEURS - You can see Sparky have sex in this movie! Yay!

THE OFFICIAL JERSEY SHORE PARODY