I know everybody got sick of us when we complained about not winning any AVN awards or XBIZ awards or Tranny Awards or TLA RAW Awards (and we still haven't even mentioned the Feminist Porn Awards), but it's looking like our constant pissing and moaning about lack of accolades is starting to pay off, because hey, POPPORN WON SOMETHING!
It's true! We've been selected as one of the recipients of the "Best of the Web" honor by SexForums.com! As you're probably aware, this is a big fucking hell of a shittin' honor. Just look at the title - BEST OF THE WEB. I don't know if you're aware, but the web is pretty freaking extensive. It's pretty much the sum total of all published information on the planet earth. This means we're better than Google, better than Popular Science's website and a shit fucking ton better than Fleshbot.
We're the best and we've got a fucking badge to prove it. It's right on our sidebar. Right, uh...right above the statement about our lack of validity and propensity for slander (or is it libel - I always get those two mixed up).
I gotta say, I'm surprised that all of the web's best websites are sex-related. I'd think there's be at least one or two all-ages sites on the list. Maybe wikipedia or WebMD or something, you know? I guess porn's more powerful and popular than I thought. Which is good, because it gives me some good ammo next time I get in an argument about my career choices with my uppity illegitimate kids.
The funny thing is, I'm not entirely sure what it was that earned us this award. We're not exactly in the habit of breaking news before anybody else gets it (seriously, 70% of our articles are AVN rewrites and the rest are indecipherable editorials). Shit, we're not even in the habit of telling the truth. We've been known to fabricate entire news stories and then promote them as though they were science fact. I guess if nothing else, we can be pretty good at telling jokes. That and publishing photos of awesome tits (which usually turns out to be pretty popular). Plus, we're friends with Stoya, which seems to spell certain success.
So hey...big thanks to SexForums.com for this honor.
Now the embarrassing part. I'd feel like a shithead if I didn't admit that I'm actually not familiar with SexForums.com. I had never heard of them before this award was bestowed. But from what I can gather, it's a pretty righteous site. A good resource for the porn enthusiast or weekend whack warrior. Shit, if nothing else, they'll lead new dudes right to our doorstop where we can entertain them with our ultra-smutty lies and tirades about Will Ryder.
So seriously, all jokes aside (for at least one sentence) - we really, truly appreciate the fuck out of the award. To know that there's even one person out there who finds our site entertaining (or even tolerable) is nice to hear. So thank you.
Seriously, though - can you believe we didn't even win a TLA RAW award? Shit, we work for TLA! We can't even rig our own fucking awards?!