Holy helluva fuck...I just goddamn love Marco Banderas. While he's always been a strong performer, I don't think I really appreciated his talents until I saw him step outside of the porn world for a mintue (or at least somewhat near the outside of it) to display his talents for pop superstardom in his "Porn Life" video. This video showed me a different side of this Latin fuck-god. Well, perhaps not a a different side entirely, given that the video and song were about making pornography (from what I could gather), but at least a louder and more boastful side, which we always appreciate, beiing rather boastful braggarts in our own right.. As it turns out, that Porn Life video was nothin' compared to what BUCKTON sent me yesterday.

Seriously, look at these pictures. The dude is freaking out of control.

Now, I had always known that Marco was a strong man. His powerhouse fuck skills are proof of this, as is his no-hold-barred chicken-eating style (see our debut film for details). But while I had always thought that Marco's strongest muscle was undoubtedly his jaw (because that grimace of his was surely forged in the very fired of Mount Doom itself), the recent photo set that we found on AVN proved us all wrong. Because this dude is one million goddamn percent ripped in every fucking conceivable way.

Goddamn it, Marco Banderas is now a pro bodybuilder. And I hope to fucking god that I never piss him off. Because this dude could snap my spine with a flick of his pinky finger.

Apparently, Marco made his pro bodybuildng debut a few weeks back, and wouldn't you know it, the dude placed sixth! I don't know for sure how many contestants there were, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that there were about a thousand, in which case, placing sixth is pretty goddamned phenomenal, wouldn't you say? It's even more fucking impressive given that he only trained for four and a half months before the event. I'll admit that I have absolutely no frame of reference on the subject, so I can't really say whether or not four and a half months in a long time. But Marco seems to think it is, and who am I to argue? From what I can gather, learning the correct poses is paramount when you're after a bodybuilding title.

"It was great fun, but I really needed to have more experience with the posing positions as they are a very important part of the judging points," Marco said. "It's all very well having the muscles, but if you don't know how to show them off you won't win. It's very difficult concentrating in getting the pose correct for every muscle in your body while smiling and terrified all at the same time!"

I don't know what effect this newfound musclemaking success will have on the XXX-Men supergroup that Marco is a part of, but I can't imagine how he'd have the time to continue making nude house calls. I suggest that if you're in need of a celebrity strippogram, you get your orders in now.

THE DARKSIDE OF MARCO BANDERAS

POPPORN: THE GUIDE TO MAKING FUCK