BOYCOTT THE SUPER BOWL (CAUSE NOBODY SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO MORE TIM TEBOW)


Nobody is ever going to accuse me of being a fan of the pro-lifer’s cause. It’s not that I enjoy killing the unborn, it’s just that I’m a big supporter of giving a woman the right to choose what happens to her body. But you know something, as much as I can’t come around to the pro-life way of thinking I can, at the very least, appreciate that they have an opinion that they (hopefully) formed rationally. It just so happens that it doesn’t agree with mine. I’m content to leave it there. I don’t feel I need to proselytize and bring them into my fold (there’s a sex joke there somewhere). So it really bothers me that pro-lifers and bible bangers feel the need to shove their (in my opinion) ignorant ideological bullshit down my throat. Especially when I just want to watch some fucking football. Allow me to explain.

A couple weeks ago it became publicized that CBS would allow the ultra conservative anti-abortion group Focus on the Family to air a commercial starring everybody’s (i.e. my) least favorite quarterback, Tim Tebow of the University of Florida, that would seemingly endorse the pro-life campaign. Now forget for a second that if you follow sports you’ve been indoctrinated to hate Tim Tebow. The media’s guffawing over this fuck has reached ridiculous dick-sucking levels only comparable to that of Lebron James and if you can actually sit through a broadcast as they compare Timmy to Bronko Nagurski umpteen times, well, you’re stronger than I am. But this goes beyond that. Sure, the media is rooting for this kid. They love hyping up athletes they perceive as marketable because, well, it’s what they do. The fact that he’s done missionary work in the Philippines for a million fucking years performing circumcisions and whatnot only made them salivate that much more. But the fact that they’re giving him a pass on this only speaks to the fact that they can justify anything as long as it gets them good ratings or a wider readership.

See it’s not that Timmy supports stripping women of their right to choose. That’s his right (I suppose) and if he wants to support Focus on the Family then by all means he should be allowed to. However the fact that CBS is actually willing to let Tim and his merry band of lunatics air a spot at the Super Bowl (essentially becoming one of the first national networks to blatantly allow commercials advocating a specific ideology—which is not the same thing as when networks air commercials supporting specific candidates) after turning down commercials for a gay dating site because it doesn't meet their "broadcast standards” (although apparently in the face of ongoing scrutiny they are considering letting the advertisement air) coupled with the notion that certain members of the sports media are hailing Tim as a hero for standing up for his beliefs (since when is supporting a pretty well-funded cause that has the backing of most of the Republican Party dangerous? Oh and don’t tell me it’s going to hurt his endorsements because if you’ve been paying attention, corporate America loves this cocksucker) as though he were some kind of fucking patriot (check out this article) and the whole thing is enough to make you want to fucking puke.

So it’s with this in mind that I will be boycotting this year’s Super Bowl festivities. I encourage you to do the same with a firm understanding that none of you will, but if nothing else when that commercial airs, be aware of what it means. A major network is now allowing an issue specific campaign to buy airtime when similar advertisements advocating the opposite ideology were told to take a hike (at last year’s Super Bowl, MoveOn.org was denied the ability to run a commercial criticizing George Bush). This is a clear case of a network picking and choosing which movements get airtime (and it’s not a matter of money) and I have to tell you when it’s one of the big three (the others being NBC and ABC—FOX doesn’t count because they’ve never hid their intentions of only supporting a conservative perspective) it scares the living hell out of me and it really should scare you too. So if you’re going to watch the Super Bowl just be aware what you’re supporting. I know it doesn’t feel like it matters but for the millions of women who understand and value the rights they possess it does. Fuck, if you’re going to watch it, at least sign the petition. Let CBS know what they’re doing isn’t cool and let Tim Tebow know to keep his fucking politics to himself.


HOW TO BE A LADIES MAN


THE OFFICIAL JERSEY SHORE PARODY