Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a second. Rammstein makes dildos now?

I was under the impression that they only made shitty (and somewhat scary) goth-rock. Actually, aside from the Lost Highway soundtrack, I’m not even too familiar with that side of their portfolio. Frankly, if I hear them mentioned, I tend to turn away and shut my ears as fast as I can. I’m more of a Steely Dan kind of guy. I also enjoy the musical career of Bruce “Bruno” Willis. But that’s beside the point. The point is…RAMMSTEIN MAKES DILDOS NOW???

From what I can gather, this bold new collector set is part of the deluxe edition of Rammstein’s newest unlistenable album, meant as some sort of vague, goth “reward” for their female listeners. Or gay ones, I suppose. Or straight dudes who’ve realized what pleasures can be found a few inches inside their a-holes. But officially, it’s for the chicks, a mentioned in the band’s press release: “You've got a pussy, we have the dicks!"

Ahem. Yes. They also apparently said “Liebe ist für alle da,” regarding the collector’s set, though I haven’t the foggiest notion what that’s supposed to mean.

I guess perhaps the idea is that there should be something enjoyable about experiencing a Rammstein album. Like, maybe if you fuck yourself hard enough with these six wangs, your own screams of pleasure will drown out the sounds coming out of your iTunes. I dunno.

I mean no offense to Rammstein’s legion of fans. Just saying…that shit suuuuuucks.

The set also comes with lube, handcuffs and…ugh…the album. Just in time for Christmas, too. Whoooo boy.

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PJUR AQUA