So, we like Janine a whole lot around here at POPPORN. It's safe to say that we've given her a fair amount of press over the course of the past year, what with her unfortunate legal trouble (not to mention her relationship with fan-favorite double-i'd she-male Vaniity), but honestly, I can believe I didn't know about this. Apparently, she's locked in a custody battle with none other than Sandra Bullock, star of Hope Floats, Demolition Man, and the upcoming romantic comedy I Shit Boyfriends (written by Warren Ellis, all people!).

(I should note that, since I find Sandra Bullock entirely unbearable in nearly every way, I will not be using any images of her during the course of this story. I will instead use photos of Warren Beatty, who is beautiful in every way.)

Anyway, Bullock is currently married to a celebrity motorcycle mechanic named Jesse James, not to be confused with the gunslinger of the same name (who was assassinated in a cowardly fashion quite a while a ago). Mr. James used to be married to Janine, who we all know and love. Janine and Jesse had a child together a while back, and now Janine's fighting to keep custody, and having a difficult time of it, from what I can gather.

According to a statement submitteed to the Orange County Court byJames, his daughter should be "restrained from allowing the child around pornographers, drug addicts, guns and firearms, felons and other unsafe environments."

Try as I might, I can't stop picture the custody scene in Boogie Nights between Julianne Moore and John Doe. I just imagine that any custody predceedings involving porn people are exactly like that scene. For some reason. Also, I can't believe I didn't know Janine was connected to Sandra Bullock! That just seems like the sort of thing that people would love gossiping about (though, y'know, I guess they are).

Anyway, I don't quite know what to say about the whole legal battle. Everybody wants what's best for the kid, right? I can certainly understand the impetus to keep your flesh and blood away from drug addicts, guns and firearms and felons (I got no issue with pornographers, obviously), but has anybody considered the negative impact of raising a child in such close proximity to Sandra Bullock? I'm having nightmares just thinking about it

We'll see where it all leads. Until then, isn't Warren Beatty dreamy?

MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED & FABULOUS