Oh, shit! Zero Tolerance, the greatest studio in the history of adult entertainment, has a new contract star! Perhaps you've heard of her? Her name's Sara Sloane. But you might know her as Sarah Vandella, the name under which she's done a shit-ton of awesome performing. Ringing some bells now?

"From the time that I made the decision to be an adult actress, my goal was to perform my heart out, become a contract star and be one of the most popular performers of all time. The fact that Zero Tolerance - who I've always felt, was the finest company in the business - signed me to a contract is a dream come true. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings," she said in a recent press release.

According to Greg Alves, president of ZT, "Not only is Sara beautiful, but she's one of the most intense performers our industry has seen in years. She really personifies what we're all about - Beautiful, Fan Friendly and Horny as hell - she's the perfect representative [for Zero Tolerance]."

The dudes at Zero Tolerance are currently in production of a new vehicle for Miz Sloane, but you can check her out in Girlvana 5, which should be showing up next week, I believe. And, you may be shocked to discover but she'll also be starring in our upcoming porno flick, HOW TO BE A LADIES MAN!

Honestly, what's really winning me over here? Her name's Sarah Sloane. I can think of only a handful of people who may know the reference there (unless I'm underestimating), because a lot of folks I know aren't quite as into the Simpsons and BUCKTON and me are. A lot of them think Family Guy's a better show! You kidding me? Anyway, do remember when Ned Flanders briefly dated a beautiful woman who turned out to be a prominent and somewhat overtly sexual actress? Guess what her name was. Yep. Sara Sloane. How great is that?

I'm fairly certain she's in the episode where Rod and Tod tear up the cigarettes and squeal "Smokers are jokers!"

Well done, Sarah. Well done, Zero Tolerance. Good fuckin' grooving.

Hey, don't be thrown off by the way I called them the greatest studio of all time back at the beginning of this article. I've just felt that way about them for the past few months, for some reason. And I guess before that, when I was just into masturbating to their movies.

YOU, ME & HER

HOUSEWIFE ONE ON ONE 14