I used to work at a sex store surrounded by dildos and toys. (Remember the dildo part) Everyone was really good friends and we would all chat about what was going on in each other’s lives. Especially when one of us started dating/sleeping with someone new. We all had to know the details about what went on. What moves did they use, were they good in bed and other fun useless information. While discussing the naughtiness that went on whoever was telling the story would walk over to a certain part of the store for the final part of the discussion. That’s when the visual part of the story would be explainded. Basically if you have dated me or anyone else who has ever worked in a sex store, your penis has been compared to a dildo.

There is a wide range of dildos out there so usually I can pin point the penis down to one of the models. However sometimes I have to mix and match features from a few different ones. He was the girth of this one but the length of this one. Sometimes we can even figure out which color is the closest to the penis we are thinking of. It’s actually a pretty fun game we play. Plus all the dildos have names so in the future when we talk about the guy we reference the dildo to help others remember whom we are talking about. Sometimes we don’t even use the guy’s actual names we just refer to them as their dildo alter ego.

Sometimes when I’m checking out the man goods on a new guy I find myself randomly thinking about which dildo does his penis look like. Because I’m going to have to explain this to people soon so I should be prepared on what to tell them. I know how strange that sounds but I find it really funny. It was actually a long running joke we all had; it was always one of the first questions that was asked in the conversation.

This one guy I dated that I still actually talk to and see from time to time looked just like the Woody dildo from Vixen Creations. There would be periods where we would not see each other and I would walk by the shelf and catch a glimpse of dear old Woody and get nostalgic. Looking at a dildo actually made me miss a person. However then I would just get all horny and think of the actual penis and all the fun that I would have with it. But then again when I was mad at him I enjoyed smacking the dildo around on the counter. I actually own that dildo now. But not because it reminds me of him because it came out in a new silver sparkly version that was awesome and I had to have it.

So lesson learned is if I have seen your penis then my friends I used to work with know what it looks like. Shape, size, veins…..you name it. Oh and they also know if you are actually any good in bed. If you have any strange marks on your body, you know things like that.

WKRP IN CINCINATTI: A XXX PARODY

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