Remember way the fuck back when we mentioned Axel Braun's Batman spoof? It was like, a year or two ago, I think. I'm not so good with remembering when certain stuff happened (either due to being dropped on my head during infancy or just from being a dumb-ass in general), but it seems like it was fuckin' forever ago. In fact, just last week, I was remarking to BUCKTON and Kellboy while we walked to our favorite latte shop that I wondered what was up with that shit, 'cause I got mad excited when they announced it, and then I never heard nothin' else about it. What gives? See, as I've often said, I'm sick to fuckin' death of all this spoof business in the porno industry. The joke's over. I fucking get it, okay? Time to move on. But this Batman XXX that Axel Braun was apparently planning? This was something I was actually fucking excited about.
But it seemed like it was never gonna fucking happen, you know?
But then, I chanced across a news piece announcing the cast for the fuckin' film in question! How fuckin' great is that? You know what that's called? Fucking serendipity. That's what. I was thinking of it, and up it popped. Good fucking grooves!
The grooves only got better when I saw who was cast in this thing. Nick motherfucking Manning as Batman? Are you motherfuckers kidding me? Seriously? That's the best possible choice in the history of great choices! And it's not somebody I would have thought of right off the bat, which makes it even better. I don't know why, I just assumed that it would be Tommy Gunn or something. Maybe Evan Stone. But shit, man. Nick Manning's a goddamn great choice for this thing. He's got the acting chops, he fucks like a champ and everybody seems to love him. I only hope he can refrain from shouting "droppin' loads" during the movie, or if nothing else, utter it in a gravely monotone befitting the Dark Knight..
Oh hey, speaking of Evan Stone, he's in this thing, too, as the Riddler, no less! Everybody knows that Evan's a jokester and a half with the rapier-like wit that this role commands, so you goddamn know he's bringin' his A-game. Not to mention his humungous ball-sack, which everybody loves to see. From there, the fuckin' cast only gets better with none other than Randy Spears, the number one dude in porn (sorry to all the other awesome dudes out there, but come on...) as the Joker. Joker is bar-none the greatest villain in the history of comic-book mythology and Randy's the fucking best performer that porn's got to offer. No foolin'. I defy you to find a single bad scene the guy's done. He's fucking brilliant. No fuckin' foolin'.
Oh, right, I nearly forgot - it's got hot chicks in it, too! I got so caught up in the comic-book fandomnicity of this whole thing that I forgot the whole point of pornography - to watch hot chicks making fuck with dudes! How about Tori Black as Catwoman and Nicole Ray as Batgirl? Damn it, that shit don't get any fuckin' hotter than that (unless they somehow got a clone of 1960's Julie Newmar to star in it, but that kind of science is at least a few years away).
This thing is fuckin' class-A, all the fucking way, man. And since they don't seem to be using the entire Batman canon in one movie, that'll leave plenty of characters for a sequel, if they so chose. Personally, I'm seein' John Strong as the Penguin, and maybe, I dunno, Sheigo Tokuda as Ra's Al Ghul?
Braun also announced his plans for The Godfather XXX and Grease XXX, neither of which I could give two shits about. No offense!