Okay, everybody knows that Mike Quasar is king boss when it comes to making high-class porno, but did you know that he's also king boss when it comes to making high octane rock and roll music? It's true! or at least, he says it's true. You can find out for yourself when Quasar's rock band Say Uncle reforms for some hot shit reunion grooves at Paladino's tomorrow night!
For those of you bitch-ass suckas who don't know about Say Uncle, they're a high-octane metal band from Canada. Fed up with Canada's stringent poutine regulations and constant moose attacks, Quasar and the rest of the band (including porno industry vet Matt Holder) relocated to L.A. with hopes of being the next big king-bosses of the music scene, but instead ended up being king-bosses of the high-octane filmfucking scene instead. Who knew?
If you hadn't noticed, I'm really into the phrases "king boss" and "high octane" today, so expect to see a lot more of them.
Anyway..."Matt and I moved to L.A with the rest of our band in 1989 determined to be huge rock stars. We failed miserably but for whatever reason, we ended up being pretty successful in the porn business," said Quasar. I can't say for sure what would have caused the band to fail, but honestly, they could have used a better name. If it were my band, I would have insisted that we name ourselves "Crazy Quaze and the Quayzonettes" or "Quayzed Donut" or something. Maybe they do stuff differently in Canada (for instance, they put maple syrup on everything up there. Even pizza!), but either of these names would have given them levels of success they've never dreamed of.
Say Uncle spread their grooves all over the L.A. scene for a while, playing such legendary venues as the Whiskey, the Roxy and Gazzaris. Then Cobain came along and fucked everything up in the early 90's and sent all the grooves up north to Seattle. What a fuckin' douchebag.
Anyway, all that shit's history, because Say Uncle's reuniting tomorrow night! The event holds a $10 buck cover charge, but also is keeping an open guest list for any female performers in the buisness who want to feast on Quasar's good grooves. The female-only guest list also means that James Deen's totally fucked. Take that, Deen! Adult star Debi Diamond is confirmed to be attending the event, saying, ""Bionca and I used to go out to see Say Uncle when they were just young, cute, hairless boys. I can't wait to see them as grown men."
Courtney Cummz will also be on hand for the event, which will be pretty king-boss-awesome, because Courtney knows how to fuckin' party. Remember when she pissed on the wall at our big party last year? That shit was high-octane!
So if you're in the area, you know what you're doing tomorrow night. If you're not in the area, you know that you'll need a plane ticket, quick.
All jokes aside, Wolverine's from Canada. Wendigo, too. Nuff said.