Our good friend Igor over at DrivenByBoredom.com snapped this shot of POPPORN loser, Brian Bangs (me!) and incredibly short male talent, James Deen at the 2012 AVN Awards. We had just completed a grueling two-hour stint of covering the AVN Awards Red Carpet on behalf of this friendly (although sometimes left-leaning) adult entertainment blog and had finally gotten into our possession, alcoholic beverages.

If there is one thing we know nothing about it's Juliette Lewis and Terry Richardson. Honestly, we weren't even aware that either one of them was alive. In fact, what we know about them could fill a thimble. We know that one of them is an actress and has appeared in some films from time-to-time and the other is a photographer whose photos appear in magazines and other things from time-to-time. We're not sure which is which. Other than that, we've got nothing.

"Jugs" would be too large, "mounds" would be too small so let's just agree that what Zoe Voss was showing off at this years AEE show last week were a pair of brand new "yams".

Zoe, well known for being slight in stature (if not defining the very word, "waif"), unleashed a new shape last week and proudly proclaimed that her boobs were no longer her own. After a short time away from the porn industry and spending sometime on her native homeland, Zoe returned to the fold with a new figure that simply said, "splendid".

It seemed like POPPORN was finally over. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief. We could go back to our honest trades and forget about the degenerate raconteurs invading every nook and crevice of our collective existence since we first happened upon the porn industry. We could learn to live with what we had done to the world while running this award-winning and critically praised porn-themed website. We could move on.

Then James Deen arrived and shot everything to hell.

Go figure.

Let's dust off our collective memories for just a moment. Remember last January when we got all excited (and thus made you twice as excited), because we had announced that we were teaming up with Lee Roy Myers to make a bitch-ass awesome porno movie called Pink Lips? We had big plans to shoot it, edit it and get it out there for the public to consume through their boners. It would be ready to go in a matter of weeks. I mean, it was in post-production by the end of February.

How would you like me to burst one of your ovaries? Well, try this on for size...

This week, POPPORN.com celebrates its 4th anniversary. That's right, 4 years ago this week we posted this very first article on this here blog and got underway with being fucking awesome. In addition, beside our "awesome" quest which we accomplished in record time, our 4-year anniversary marks POPPORN.com as the longest running adult new outlet in the world. Pretty impressive.

In what will go down as one of the greatest upsets since Rulon Gardner defeated Alexander Karelin (look it up, dick), porn sensation Jessie Andrews took home trophies not only for New Performer of the Year but also for Acting Performance of the Year - Female earlier this week at the 2012 XBIZ Awards.

Let's face facts. We'd probably all be better off with Rick Santorum in the White House.

Lets end the charade. Porn isn't a good thing. Sure, we like to talk about it a whole lot and we look at it almost daily due to our chosen careers (and the fact that hormones are the darnedest things). Ultimately, however, do you think we really believe porn is something that benefits society other than making a few individuals who didn't have the wherewithal to do anything productive with their lives rich?

Again, the internet has left us no choice but to boast. As 2011 draws to a close (I know it seems like it's been over for nearly a week now, but it's actually still closing), bloggers and pundits are frantically and frenetically compiling their list of honors for the dying year, and as such, we keep running into praise for our totally groundbreaking movie, POPPORN's Man vs. Pussy. At first, it seemed like maybe we should stop boasting about our movie's critical success, for fear of alienating our readership. But then it occurred to us that we most likely don't have any readership at this point, so fuck it! Stop being dicks!

Anyway, peep this shit!

Big news, folks, especially if you happen to be age 18 or older and haven't yet earned your high school diploma. Cassadra Cruz wants to fuck you!

I'm not entirely sure why, or what makes it newsworthy (not that that's ever been criteria for POPPORN), but AVN broke the news this morning that the Peruvian/New-Yorkian porn performer is planning to bang a high-school senior. Weird, huh?

While the world waited with baited breath for the outcome of yesterday's Iowa Caucuses (GO SANTORU, GO!), we here at POPPORN rallied around our computer and rotary dial telephone in anticipation of a single email being delivered to our, now shared, inbox.

Another year has come and gone, and we're left with very little to show for it. We're withering away, gollum-like, in both physical appearance and mental prowess. We'd barely even be able to type up articles like this if it weren't for the help of our morlock slaves. 2011 has ravaged us. It has taken our youthful, teenage looks and left us looking like the awful thirtysomething wretches we are. It's a tough time to be alive.

But on a positive note, XCritic has listed our movie among their top picks of 2011, so fuck you, everybody who isn't us!

So long, 2011. You've been a worthy opponent.

Don't drink too much over the weekend. Unless you do, in which case you should use your smartphone to take raunchy photos of yourself and then email them to us. We'll blur out your face and post them on our site. Deal?

Buh-bye, now.

Friends, as we go on extended hiatus for what is surely to be a glorious holiday season we wanted to sign off with some good cheer. And frankly, nothing makes us more cheerful than old clips from The Muppet Show.

Enjoy and see ya in 2012!

Here's what I don't get. When an adult performer gets signed to a contract with a porno studio there's a helluva lot of fanfare. Press releases and parades and what not. Yet, when a performer's contract ends or she decides not to re-up with that same studio or, in a lot of cases, the studio does not wish to re-up with the performer there's not a peep.

Why is that?