"It's your kids, Marty! You've got to do something about your kids."

I am a huge sucker for time travel. Back to the Future. Season five of Lost. Days of Future Past. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I love them all. And now I can add FANTASTIC FOUR #582 and AVENGERS #4 to that list. In one, the kids of the future are going back to save the adults of the present. The other, it's the grown-ups jumping forward to save their possible future children.

A few days ago, we posted a story about Mick Blue being arrested and sentenced to hard time for assaulting a toll booth operator. As is often the case with material on POPPORN, well...well, we made this story up.

We thought it would be funny. It was the sort of thing that we usually call a joke. We tend to make a lot of them, and we most certainly did not mean any harm, especially to our good friend Mick Blue, a man who continues to be one of the consistently strongest male performers in the adult cinema industry.

So, to Mick Blue and any of Mick's close friends and family, we're truly sorry for any inconvenience and grievances this may have caused you. Again, Mick Blue has not been arrested for assaulting any public service officers, and he, in fact, has not assaulted anyone at all, as far as we can gather.

Hey, check it out! We suckered Ann Marie Rios into coming to our office for an interview! And it was fun!

Listen. I don't know exactly what this thing's all about. All I know is that a disc arrived on my desk with a short video file on it and a note that said (and this is the original spelling, not my own): "YOU PLAY THIS ON YOR PORNO SITE OR YOU IS GET KILLED."

And I sure don't want to be killed.

Isn't the digital age great? Random hoo-hah like this can just pop up out of nowhere.

Not that anyone should be surprised or remotely interested, but former Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman has announced that after 43 years, he is now comfortable admitting to himself and others that he is a homosexual. Shockingly, the newly self-aware Republican is now calling for the legalization of gay marriage and admits, that had he come out sooner, gosh-darnit, he might have played a role in keeping the RNC from pushing an anti-gay agenda.

Any week that Uncanny X-Men comes out, I can guarantee that will be the first book I read. I’ve been a lover of mutants since before I ever masturbated. So first up? Uncanny #527. It has a boss cover by Terry and Rachel Dodson. Namor embracing Emma Frost. Ooooooh. What's gonna happen? I open it up to find some the most shit-tastic art I've seen in over a decade. Emma Frost is cross-eyed. It took me three pages to realize that the character I was looking at was Colossus. I can't even tell if the writing was any good. I'm certainly not giving it up, but it was so disappointing.

A lot of people know that POPPORN has a bit of an affiliation with a certain adult video retailer, so we always enjoy it when you purchase your high-quality (or shit-ass scummy) porn flicks from them. That's obvious. I just thought that I should mention that before I talk a little bit about recent remarks from the CEO of Private Media, the European porn empire known for lots of righteous anal sex and frequent appearances from Tarra White (who I happen to like a whole freaking lot). See, though it sounds odd coming from the CEO of a major adult film producer, Private's CEO is publicly suggesting that the public illegally downloads their material and whack off to it. Weird, no?

If there's one thing we like here around the POPPORN office it's lack of commitment. We're free wheelin' ya know? We enjoy sitting back and doing whatever we feel like doing when we feel like doing it with no sense of responsibility or obligation to keep us tied down. Cell phone contracts? Fuck that! Paying off debt (both financial and societal) in any meaningful way, nu-uh. Showing up for scheduled meetings? Hell no! Honestly, it's just who we are. In fact, Ladies and Gentlemen, if any one of us happen to knock you up while you're sleeping, you might as well ask for monetary support from the homeless guy that's eating fig newtons out of the garbage down on I-70 before you come to us.

Hey, what the fuck, HBO? I thought we were tight! And now you’re stealing our idea? Fuuuuuuuuuck that shit, man!

What can we say? We're lovers. Actually, we're sometimes accidental fighters as well, but that's a story for another time (just don't ever fuck with us).

You'd think I was writing about CASANOVA, if I told you the books I'm reviewing today are by Matt Fraction, Gabriel Ba, and Fabio Moon. But you'd be DEAD WRONG. Thankfully, as we wait for volume three of "Cass" these fellas are putting out a shit ton of other work. Notably, Matt Fraction's Eisner Award-winning INVINCIBLE IRON MAN and the brothers Ba and Moon's DAYTRIPPER from Vertigo.

Some people seem to think that knowledge of a public persona's real name is some kind of power to wield, like an old pulp fantasy novel in which a demon can be summoned by the proper pronunciation of its twelve syllable long name.

It's not.

I guess we lied. We didn't quit doing POPPORN. Obviously. I mean, we posted a new article yesterday. And we have a new video today. So, yeah...I guess we're back. We're sorry.

And hey, what better way to return than with our absolute drunkest video ever?

Okay, everybody. Time to get creeped the fuck out.

If you happen to be one of the plethora of people who happen to follow the twitter account of Zero Tolerance or Tabitha Stevens, you’re already aware of this news, but if not, well, I guess that’s why we're here.

Well, I suppose all good things must come to an end. I suppose the same holds true for amazing things, groundbreaking things and magnificent things. Because, while POPPORN.com has been amazing, groundbreaking and magnificent in it's time (revolutionary and maverick, too), the writing's been splattered all over the wall: it's time to throw in the glove.